Lame jokes here:



  • Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people.

    Ne cede malis

    2


  • They asked me if I had a degree in theoretical physics. I told them I had a theoretical degree in physical education.

    Ne cede malis

    1


  • I wonder if someone could make a joke out of this that does not rely on the image..0_1480968132968_IMG_0362.JPG

    Ne cede malis

    1

  • Masters

    What do Cops eat for Dessert? Copcakes.

    What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!!

    What do you call an alligator that reads maps? A navigator.

    How do you keep an idiot in suspense? A: I'll tell you later!

    What do Cats eat in the Summer? Micecream


  • Masters

    4/3rds of people have trouble with fractions



  • Naval terms are all jibberish to me.

    Ne cede malis

    0


  • Do you know why the taxi driver quit his job? Because he was tired of people talking behind his back!



  • Hmmm….I think my IPod is broken. I keep pressing the “home” button, but I’m still here at the office.


  • Masters

    i'm for all of these jokes


  • Masters

    What do you call an Øwl who can perform magic?

    Hoodini!!



  • What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!"



  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


  • Masters

    Why don't teddy bears ever eat at picnics? Because they're stuffed!


  • Masters

    Would you like to hear a construction joke? Well... I'm still working on it...


  • Masters

    -Optic anecdote want?
    -Yes, I do!
    -Dick in your eye!

    original:
    -Оптический анекдот хотите?
    -Да, хочу!
    -Хуй тебе в глаз!



  • @ZveR I'm afraid to even imagine anecdote from otolaryngologist)


  • Masters

    @Fritz_Fokker not bad that one

    Noli nothis permittere te terere

    0

  • Masters

    Me: What's the difference between glue, tuna, and a piano?
    @Fritz_Fokker: What?
    Me: You can tuna (tune a) piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
    Fritz: What about the glue...?
    Me: I knew you'd get stuck there. ;)


  • Masters

    Pish.... get real FFS

    Noli nothis permittere te terere

    -1


  • How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. That’s a hardware issue.

    Ne cede malis

    4


  • An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.

    The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.

    The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he’s ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.

    The statistician leaps in the air shouting, “We got it!”

    Ne cede malis

    3

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